chin up. cheer up.

The Inner Workings of the Mind

Your desk at work is covered up with months old paperwork, paperclips, and other various items - so much so that the top of your desk isn’t visible any longer. Your room is covered with dirty clothes and clean clothes alike, and in comparison with your desk at your job, the floor is not visible. Your kitchen, dining room, living room, entire house, car, workspace, and everything else in your life is physically covered with clutter. Why? Could it be that when your mind is a complete mess (covered with clutter) that it can manifest itself in other ways?

The Key to Any Good Relationship

The Key to Any Good Relationship

The key to any good relationship is not expecting perfection. This is not something that comes naturally for most people, but rather a skill that is nurtured, learned, and owned by the participant. We must realize that everyone has faults, pitfalls, and imperfections or suffer the consequences of failed relationship after failed relationship. When you come to expect perfection, you should be prepared for disappointment. 

We are a culture who believes in the absolute perfection of things. Oh, your Iphone can’t get correct service? That’s okay - a bigger, better, newer, and more perfect product will be out in less than a week. Your teeth aren’t just right? Let’s fix that with some implants or zoom whitening and braces! You say you don’t like your thighs? Let me use this equipment to make you look like Barbie or Ken (depending on gender, of course). We are a culture of upgrades, but can we upgrade people in the sense of personality or character traits?

There’s a girl out there who’s twenty-four years old and has only had one boyfriend in her life (which wasn’t exactly what I would consider serious), and why? Because she is enveloped and lives in the world where she believes that the PERFECT guy exists. In high school, she had a list approximately three pages long of things that a guy would have to possess in order to date her. It’s things like this that keep us from not only enjoying love but also enjoying life. I hate to break it to her, but the guy on those lists does not exist, and as long as she is searching for him (the elusive man who is the epitome of her list), she has proverbial blinders on to any other suitors and possibly her “soul mate.”

A wise person once said “nobody’s perfect,” and I completely agree with this. We all have little skeletons in our closets (or for some - many skeletons in a garage!). Whether we are hiding something or not, there are always faults to deal with. It can be the annoying way she shakes her foot when you’re interested in a movie or the way he pretends he can’t hear you when you are asking him to take out the trash. It can be something as small as forgetting the lid on the toothpaste to something as large as infidelity, which I in no way condone. I am just contending that we all possess these faults. So how is that we expect to find the “perfect” person to engage in a relationship with?

The first step is to let go of the notion that a perfect person exists out there. Sure, I believe there is a person who is perfect for me, but that is a completely different statement from saying that there is a perfect person. Next, you will need to accept the fact that everyone has little tiffs, fights, or disagreements within relationships. It occurs between best friends, between parents and children, and in relationships with a significant other. It is something that is natural. Think about it this way - if you’re not passionate enough to fight for your relationship, then why are you in it? Lastly, we all need to accept that no one is going to be perfect. Everyone has a bad day every once in a while and may become unintentionally cold or despondent, but when you come to realize that it’s perfectly okay when something like that and/or other ‘imperfections’ (as we see them) occurs, then your relationship will be better for it.

In no way am I asking you to always expect the worst out of people or a partner in a relationship. I’m no cynic, but when you ACCEPT the fact that sometimes there are going to be little bumps in the road and that you can handle those bumps - this is when love will find you, the perfect person for you will find you, and your quest for absolute happiness will be fulfilled. As Coldplay puts it in the poignant song “The Scientist,” “Nobody said it was easy. No one ever said it would be this hard.” It just takes faith, heart, wit, and a little insight.

a portrait of self

I’ve seen ghosts.

I’ve seen thirty blank canvases looking to me with fear.

But there’s something that I can’t see

me.

Water fills; Emotions kill

I just fell through my mattress

To the bottom of the ocean

All of my limbs extended

And the fluff, the squeaky springs, they just gave way and released me into the blue

I don’t even feel there’s a change except everything got darker and colder and every thought vanished as if nothing ever existed

As if I never existed

And keeping my eyes shut, my hair flowing in the ocean’s movement, my limbs extended like a martyr ready for salvation

I take one, long, deep breath in - a sigh

March 2nd: love this sky.

I couldn’t even imagine someone like him.
I am the luckiest.

“Can I Handle the Seasons of my Life?”

The changes in life are what makes us who we are, but how many changes can one person possibly handle? Growing up is an entirely different story in itself. Some people handle it like my best friend, who gets sad every year around her birthday. Some people handle it like me - “it’s just another day.” I realize on that day that a year of my life has passed by - and what did that year hold? - but I fail to acknowledge the fact that as my body is growing older, my mind is aging also. I’ve grown so much in the past year or two. I don’t even feel like the same person anymore, and I’m wondering if I ever want to get that person back. I believe that each step we take leads us to our destiny, which is hopefully a good one. Am I being led to my destiny? Have I already arrived? Have you?